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10 Signs You Are In A Co-Dependent Relationship
Type the term "co-dependent relationship" in any search engine, and hundreds of articles will come up. Is it that co-dependent relationships are a growing phenomenon, or is it that more and more people are recognizing it for the unhealthy cycle it creates?
Relationships are about give and take, and a partnership of two individuals. But in a co-dependent relationship, all things tend to revolve around one half of the couple. Often times it is the female in the relationship that is the co-dependent partner.
She is eager to please, always with a smile on her face, even when she is sad or upset. Usually a learned behavior from the household she grew up in.
Co-dependent relationship can loosely be defined as the feeling that one cannot exist, be happy, or even feel complete without the other person. This type of relationship tends to stunt personal growth, create or exacerbate low self-esteem, and prevent those involved from truly being happy.
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Couples in codependent relationships tend to struggle for power and control. One or both are often anxious, resentful, and are guilt stricken. They do not respect each other’s individuality, or the need for autonomy.
Surprisingly, the relationships are usually drama free, because one or both are not honest with their feelings. The relationship also tends to lack in passion, and true intimacy.
10 Signs That You Are In A Co-Dependent Marriage:
Spouses opinion matters more than your own, especially in decision making
You prioritize their happiness, even if it makes you unhappy
You do not do anything without them, and do not have your own identity
You do not set appropriate boundaries with your spouse, and fear telling them “no”
You ignore their dishonesty, possessiveness, and jealous tendencies
You avoid confronting your partner about important issues because you fear rejection
You can’t "live" without the other person
You feel trapped in the relationship, but feel that if you did leave, you’d be a horrible person for abandoning your partner
You feel as if your life revolves around your partner
You cancel plans to accommodate your partner’s whims
According to marriage counselors, autonomy is the key to a healthy, balanced marriage. In a marriage, yes you love each other and want to be spend time together, but you should also be able to function independently. There needs to be allowances for separateness, differences, and one’s own thoughts and feelings. A partner should feel like a support beam, not an anchor.
What are your thoughts on co-dependent relationships? Are you in a co-dependent relationship or know someone who is? Are some couples blissfully ignorant existing in this state? Or are they in denial? Either way, the bliss or denial cannot last forever.
What other telltale signs of co-dependency would you add to this list? Please share your story or experience!
A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your goals, your dreams, or your dignity. - Unknown
5 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries In Your Friendship...
Boundaries are an important part of any relationship. If you do not set boundaries with those in your life, then you are not respecting your yourself, or requiring that they respect you either. Often times we recognize when our friendships have veered off course, and perhaps new boundaries need to be set, but we may find it difficult to take the necessary corrective steps.
The first step with boundaries, is recognizing when you need to set them.
5 Signs That It Is Time To Set Boundaries With Your Friends
They Don't Respect Your Time
This is the friend that believes all of your free time is theirs to do with as they please. You had a long, exhausting week, and all you want to do is hibernate all weekend. But without even calling, your friend shows up, with bag in hand, declaring she's spending the weekend. A boundary is needed with this friend.
It's Always A Competition
I don't believe in competing with my friends, and I don't believe in having frenemies in my life. If your friend is always trying to one up you, it is time for a talk, and to set boundaries.
They Are Emotionally Draining
Yes, friends are supposed to be there for each other, and listen to one another. But you are not supposed to be their therapist, and it cannot be about them, and their problems all of the time. If it feels like you are always on the phone with your friend dealing with one of his or her crises, it is time to set a boundary.
They Take Advantage of You
Your friend knows you will help anyone. She needs help moving, you are there. She needs a ride to the airport, of course you will take her. The problem is, this friend is always unable to reciprocate, and is taking advantage of your kindness.
It is time to set boundaries with this friend. You can say no sometimes, and still be a good person.
They Hurt Your Feelings
Whether it's a comment about your looks or your intelligence, your friend takes digs at you. And the worse part is you feel it is done intentionally to hurt and belittle. This goes back to competing. Set the boundary, and let them know that put downs are not acceptable to you.
Relationships, whether they are romantic or friendship, are complicated. It is boils down to two individuals trying to get what they want and need out of a relationship. Sometimes they may, or may not be, taking the other persons feelings into consideration, while doing so. This is why we have to speak up.
I am a firm believer that we show people how to treat us. If you set no standard for how you are to be treated, then they will treat you accordingly. - Charlene Eckstein